I wasn’t going to post again today but I had things I needed to get out of my head. I know there is probably no one out there reading this but maybe someday there will be and maybe someday my truths will help someone else.
I am in a dark place lately. A dark place I am all too familiar with. A place full of self-hatred and being uncomfortable in my own skin. I have gained about 20lbs and lately, I feel like that’s all I can see. I am completely unhappy that I let this happen, that I let the stress of life take over and I lost sight of my goals. Granted, I am far from where I began and I am far from giving up. It’s just sad to look in the mirror after 3 years and still want to cry….
I am taking pride in the fact that I am aware and getting back on track before it gets beyond me. That only 20 pounds was enough to snap me back into reality and I am not giving up. I just need to stop feeling this way and stop crying and feeling sorry for myself. I did this, I let things that happen this past year stress me out to the point that I forgot the most important thing to me and that is my health and my fitness.
The feeling of being proud of myself for my accomplishments is something I miss….I need to feel that again. I want to feel like people are proud of me for the hard work I’ve done and that other people can see my progress. Right now I feel like the only thing people see is that I’m slipping.
BUT I have dedicated myself to this, I am other people’s coach and they need me to be on track. I have set goals for 2014 and I am working on fixing the things that have stressed me out the past year.
If these words do come across someone elses eyes I hope this helps them.I hope it catches someone else who is in this dark place and tells them not to give up. I’m worth the fight and I will continue to fight.
Later this weekend I am going to post my current measurements and some pictures…some rawness to where I currently am. I think I’ve been, not necessarily in denial but possibly thinking I could slip until things got better…well…thing aren’t going to get better until I make them better.
*End extremely long rant…….